7 ridiculous ways to stop your phone being stolen

So, to try to address the phone-snatching epidemic, I have some advice. Here are seven totally legit and not at all tongue-in-cheek suggestions on how to prevent someone from stealing your phone.

1. Look like a thug

One of the best preventative measures for phone theft is to wear a tracksuit and a cap. Couple this with standing near a bus stop drinking cider with your pals, and your chances of having your phone stolen are considerably reduced. Nobody wants to steal a phone from someone who looks like a phone thief. Unless you’re a Robin Hood type, but they’re few and far between. They really are.

2. Buy a rubbish phone

Sony can’t give the Xperia Z3+ away and you’d have more chance of someone trying to slip the HTC One M9 into your pocket than trying to remove it without you noticing. A sure-fire way to protect your phone from theft is to buy one of those crap ones that nobody wants.

3. Say aloud that your phone is broken

Who would steal a broken phone? Phone thieves generally aren’t interested in parts, they just want to make a quick buck. It's harder for them to sell a broken handset, so this acts as a strong deterrent. 

4. Leave your phone in its packaging at the store

Basically, the fewer phones you own, the fewer phones you're likely to have stolen. 

5. Buy a phone with a stylus

There is method to this madness. Buy a phone with a stylus, and when someone sees you using it, they might think it’s just a notepad. Pretend it is a notepad and you’re golden.

6. Use a black phone at night, and a white phone in the snow

There is a reason that jungle camouflage is so effective in the jungle. You have to blend to your surroundings. If you're sitting on the grass with a green phone it will be barely visible to passing thieves. 

7. Be more careful

This one's a genuine suggestion. If you really want to reduce the chances of having your phone stolen, you simply need to be more careful. A mobile theft study in 2014 revealed that 44 percent of stolen phones were left in a public place, while only 11 percent were pickpocketed.

It’s so easy to leave a phone on a table, so always return your phone to a pocket or bag when you are finished using it. Also, don’t show the world that you have a brand new Galaxy S6. Hold it firmly when you’re using it, cover it with your other hand when in public places. Don't use it when you're alone in the early hours of the morning on a council estate. 

Smartphones are incredibly personal and are worth much more to us than their actual cost. Anybody who has lost a phone will tell you: it’s losing the contents of the phone that is most upsetting, not the thought of buying a new one.

Do you have any tips for preventing phone theft? Let us know in the comments.